Dear 15-year-old-self,
 
Well, what can i say? maybe just this: find that pill that makes you unafraid, unblenching or undaunted, and drink it everyday.
 
Let me tell you things from my point in time and space.
 
1. you’d still look a lot like yourself even if your age is doubled, because you’re holding on to peter pan syndrome.
 
2. after you graduate high school, you’d choose being a scientist over your engineering dream just because you got a slot in a University (am i stupid not to tell you which one?) and that you want to experience how it is to study there, and make mommy proud.
 
3. in college, you won’t be the math wizard and science geek that you are now. you could have won in a science quiz bee or math olympiad, but i’m sorry, kid, numbers and science just got really complicated and  became a bunch of A-holes that turn your self-confidence into a fallacy and drag your self-esteem meter to zero.
 
4. you are going to fail in class. several times. almost get into probation for being one-unit less of the required units to pass per academic year. you’re going to feel like a dumb person and it will turn you into a dark version of yourself. but you’ll learn to cope and finish your degree, anyway. 
 

5. this repetition of fail-try-pass cycle would somehow lead you to a different world, like an outlet of angst, depression, beauty, love and a salad of all emotions you can find in the world. you will write poems and profundity, embrace art and dance like a pro (well, a semi-pro….i mean…no, not a pro, not at all).

6. you’re going to become very sickly when you’re about to graduate in college. you’ll faint in Physics 72.1 class, have terrible asthma attacks every now and then and end up with puffs, nebulizer, all kinds of shapes and sorts of pills, nasal spray, and the like. you’re going to blame the fumes and solvents you are going to handle in college and while doing your thesis (which, is by the way, not so relatively organic chemically dope).

7. you’d discover that you are an obsessive-compulsive person, that you are vain and that you always smell good and feel like you are pretty and your college buddies roll their eyes at you a lot of times for this. but that would just be for the sake of having fun. or not.

8. you’re going to make a lot of friends. get your heart broken, break hearts, as well, and shatter friendships.

9. you’re going to chase and eventually drop a lot of dreams ~ robotics. medicine. animation. 

10. you’ll find new passion along the way, though. and you’d continue to write poetry, prose, embrace photography, draw, and try acrylic painting forever until you suck in using brushes no more.

11. believe it or not, you’re going to have two licences – one, as a chemist and the other one, as a teacher (aren’t you surprised? or does your thought bubble say “what? nooooo!” right now?).

12. hear this, kid. you’re really going to teach in college. and for a while you’d be so cool that they are going to give you a students’ choice award. and then the whole system is going to eff up after more than four years, and you’d leave. you’d resign just like after you’ve been given a permanent position. and you’d break your mom’s heart. again. 😦

13. you’ll have a japanese spitz. you’ll call him raine, but you’re asthmatic so you’re not allowed to pet him so Ate would have to take care of him. 

14. Ate would go away for a while to work. she’ll buy you an ipAd which you’ll find so dope because you’re such a bratty little sister. 

15. you are not going to save up until you’re 30. because again, you are such a bratty kid. 

16. you’d be a freelancer for a while.

17. you’re going to bum around for a longer while, too.

18. you wont be as homebody as you are right now. you’d climb up hills, go for a swim many times, get the highest score in arcade basketball, play and watch nature once in a while.

19. spiders, heights and closed-spaces will always be around, but you’d try really hard to fight those fears off. you’ll ride a big-circumferenced ferris wheel, ride elevators everyday and meet eight-legged eeeeks almost everywhere. 

20. you’d make a lot of choices. 

21. you’d meet happiness and pain every now and then. it’ll be like co-existing facts in your life. 

22. you’d still be having faith on things. in God. and everything good this world brings.

23. you’d meet your one true love.

24. you’d be going through a lot, and i wont be giving you much of the details because i don’t want to really alter anything. but just remember these:


you are loved, even if sometimes you feel like you’re not.
you’re a good person, even if sometimes you think the world wants to get rid of you.
always be prepared (remembering your scouting days?)
be very very brave. and i mean it.
don’t dwell so much on the bad things.
don’t whine or rant too much.
stop being angsty.
grow up, i mean being mature wont make you get old fast.
continue being the mushy person that you are.


 
I’ts a Sunday. i know you’re making your assignments today. 
go back to them now.
 
High five, kiddo. 
Be good always.
 


Love,
your self in 2012