Dear, World. Love, Jenny.

Jedi thoughts, MD diaries and Random geekiness

08122020 — August 12, 2020

08122020

When we lose something, another thing comes along. It may never be a good replacement but it makes a new memory. When we associate things to one person or a memory of that person, somehow, it leads to bigger things. Bigger emotions. Big enough to get stuck with us even if that person isn’t part of our lives anymore.

The other day i got a chance to rearrange my room and got rid of some things so as to make these bigger emotions shrink and with hopes of selectively losing memories.

So there’s this empty spot now. Taking that painting off was one of the heaviest move, like trying to get rid of a mountain out of my sight.

Later that same day, a 4-year old boy went inside my room and showed me a canvass. He said I should keep it.

This is his first acrylic painting on a canvass

Now the spot isn’t empty. And sometimes the timing of things saves us from having big emotions. Rebuilding a new world would mean making new memories. Not necessarily with someone new, but with anyone around me. I somehow feel small because one way or another, I’ve taken these people for granted because I was so focused and involved in just one orbit.

He asked me to put his painting somewhere special. So i gave him THE spot. He deserves it.

08102020 — August 10, 2020

08102020

I had a dream about you today. I walked towards you and we hugged each other. Tight. You said you missed me. I replied goodbye, in the saddest tone. I kissed your forehead and I hugged you tight. Tighter. Like consciously staying in my dream because I know it might be the last time.

I woke up and had a terrible feeling of longing. But the funny thing is I don’t exactly know now what I am still longing for.

Sigh.

Little Things — August 9, 2020

Little Things

Today — my world was filled with colors.

This is me telling the world that Normal is Boring.
Me, and my mini-me doing my trademark pose.
And me, thinking about having a piece of that cake.

Today — isn’t a crazy-happy day but it’s different from how things typically go for the last few months.

Today — I wanted to be better, so I got out of my cave and showed up to the world.

Today — I still allowed myself to be sad but I decided not to embrace it anymore, so I was able to see things that are nice, good and warm.

And today — I counted my blessings through these pictures:

They say the battle is already half-won by just showing up. So I promise to try everyday.

Thank you, world, for these little lovely things.

Let’s Go —

Let’s Go

So I made it, huh? Five medschool years done!

Anyway, this year, I gained and lost important things. Things that define me. Things that have the power to repetitively make and break me. But I know that in everything that is lost, there is always a chance to gain something else in return — something grand, if we’d just dream of it and work hard to make it happen.

Right now, i am a clean slate. I can be anyone I want to be. But they say we have to be very specific about what we wish for, so for now, especially in this difficult time, I want to be a licensed doctor. After that, I can be something more and something else and something beautiful again.

So on to the next adventure.

Let’s go, let go!

Underwater — April 21, 2020