I spent many hours trying to remember the name of the cat at your first apartment in Plaistow. I tried harder. I remember how the cat looks like garfield, that it has cancer and is old already, but I can’t remember his name. I tried racking my brain but no luck.
I just said from the previous post that I want to remember everything. But here I am, surprised. That I am actually starting to forget little things that meant something to us, one way or another.
I’d let things be. Goodbye, Mr. Cat.
There’s too much forgetting. Too many things in my life that I want to forget just so I could rebuild my world or maybe just stop hurting and take a step forward.
But then, I thought I don’t want to spend my life like this— being able to go through everything I went through—just to forget all of it. I know we just have one chance in this life. I don’t want to do and then wish to undo things, and get stuck like that in repetition.
If it’s my time to go, I want to remember my life. I don’t want to forget who I am, what I have become, how I always chose to be kind.
Looking back, I realized I’ve been sad when we were together for always chasing and choosing you. I became even more sad when we’re apart. How long are you going to make me sad even now that you’re not part of my life anymore? This is how I am with or without you. How sad of a person could I be?
Today is another sad day. I cannot write about nice and warm things. Just this. Just another shitty story. Just another night to cry myself to sleep.
Geez. Thank you very much.
My family started having these succulents and some of those I don’t even know what they are called. There’s some beauty in knowing that though they are so still, there is life planted in every pot. Sometimes I think they appear to show or have more life than me. Maybe that is the reason why it calms me when I look at the whole bunch. Everytime I am sad, I go up the rooftop to catch some fresh air and just stare at these tiny living things.
Today, I asked my sister if I could have one of the plants to put in my room. I have never tried taking care or taking full responsibility of something like this. Well, they say there’s always a first time. I could try. I hope it doesn’t die. 😣
Brings me so much joy teaching kids how to do art for their homework. Had so much fun watching the little girl copy my sketch and made her own version of a pig that she calls Boy Baboy. She was proud of her work, and that’s what matters most. ☺️
Dear, World. Love, Jenny. 