Dear, World. Love, Jenny.

Jedi thoughts, MD diaries and Random geekiness

Category: life

Good and/or Bad Thing — January 27, 2021

Good and/or Bad Thing

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Right now, it’s just me, myself and I. 😊 I take care of myself more lately – – – I watch what I eat, I workout and I try to have enough sleep. I am more focused and diligent in my review. I also laugh at little things, and appreciate the world around me. Sounds like I’m doing good, right?

Well, yes, that part I’m proud of myself.

I’m not so sure of the other half of the story, though. I can’t really tell if it’s a good or bad thing. Right now, I am not talking to, dating, or getting close to anyone. Not because I haven’t moved on from my past relationship. But because for the first time, I’ve put up a wall. For the first time I got scared. Of letting other people come into my life. I got scared of all the love/relationship thing. It just feel like I’ve just mended my own broken heart so I’m definitely guarding it from anything that could break it again.

I used to be afraid of being alone. Of not having someone by my side . But now I am more afraid, so much more afraid of loving someone and taking risks again. I miss my sentimental, mushy, hopeless romantic self but it’s okay, I might just forget that side of me because that person just end up being sad and scared and shitty.

So there. I may have so much love to give but i don’t know, I’d probably just keep it with me. Who deserves it, anyway?

Which way to go — October 9, 2011

Which way to go

/Jen_Eongrey/2 Comments
Sometimes you just let the world do its thing. You let it steal away some things from you, exhaust you and wear you out. It gives you identity yet it constantly changes you in various overlapping personalities. It makes you trapped in a maze where you eternally seek for the sole exit. And sometimes, just because you are scared and tired, you’d find the best corner you would call your own in one of the many dead-ends you’ve thrown yourself into.
Best things happen,too. And you’re just glad the world doesn’t run out of those stuff. And so you hang on to every bead of it. Tight. Real tight. That sometimes, it isn’t right anymore. Whatever is in excess may still be healthy as long as it doesn’t go over the threshold. if it reaches the optimal point, then you just have to either hang in there or better yet loosen up that grip a bit, because if you go way beyond that point, it leads you nowhere but to yourself who is all smothery and needy and crazy. And who, in his normal line of thinking, would want that? No one, of course.
There’s a wide range in understanding things. But there are also various emotions you could feel as you thrive and survive.

And so:

NATAUHAN NA DAW — August 3, 2007

NATAUHAN NA DAW

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Naaalala ko ang mga panahong halos araw-araw ay galit na galit ako sa mundo, kahit napakababaw naman pala ng rason. Walang kwenta kung tutuusin. Pero sa mga panahong yon akala ko napakabigat talaga ng mga dinadala ko.

Naisip ko, mashado pala akong mahina noon. Dahil hinayaan ko sarili ko na lamunin ng lungkot, mawalan ng direksiyon, maginarte sa mga bagay-bagay… sayang ang mga panahong pwede kong ayusin ang aking pag-aaral, ang di tumambay at di ma-late sa klase…mga panahong pwede kong ayusin ang trabaho ko, ang di tamaring magresearch, di ma-late sa pagpasok at maging interesado sa ginagawa ko.

Sabihin na nating napagdaanan ko lahat yun dahil may gusto saking ituro ang buhay. Oo, natuto ako, pero di ko maipagmamalaki yun…

Sayang ang ilang taong palagi akong malungkot. Bakit nga ba kasi napakarami kong hinahanap nun? Natatawa na nga lang ako ngayon at sinasabi sa sarili ko: “ang dami mo palang arte sa buhay, jen…”

Ngayon, kaya ko ng tumunganga sa buong araw at di awayin ang mundo at di mabugnot. Masaya ako sa sarili ko. Kahit palagi lang ako nasa bahay at di lumalabas. Kahit wala akong kaibigang malapit sa kinalalagyan ko na pwede kong ayain magfood trip o samahan ko siyang mag-yosi o mag-jamming, magbilyar, magping-pong o tumambay lang…kahit wala pa rin akong trabaho at wala ring pera…kahit ganon. Masaya ako.

Nakakatuwa pala ang buhay. Nakakasabik ang mga susunod na maaaring mangyari. Sa isang iglap, iikot ang mundo mo na parang roleta. At magugulat ka kung saan siya titigil. (malay mo naman, sa jackpot na!)………..