…and it is jen-specific.
…and it is jen-specific.
Category: crazy love
…and it is jen-specific.
The night tells me to mull over the things I left in the past. I thought I forgot about those things, but I was wrong. and I hate it. I can’t shove the memories away. They are like nightmares that haunt every sleeping hour that I have. But right now, things are different. It’s like I am haunted by the same things that troubled me for almost a decade, and after having escaped for a year, I am back to my stomping ground. But like I said, this time, things are different ~the same feeling of pain, melancholy and void all at once, only now I cannot quite vividly remember the things that happened. Everything is fuzzy. I hate it. I hate being smothered by the things I cannot lay a hand on or at least fight back. I feel I am much stronger now, but still I cannot fight back. I really hate it…and I hate it much more for realizing that no matter how hard I try to quarrel over my happiness, my past won’t just let me.
The latest moment I had with you was like a magical piece of a dream…I stare blankly at the moon tonight and memories of you last night flashed in my head….okay, it wasn’t a dream… last night was real. I know. I just know. Because I can still remember how good it feels to hold your hand, to have you near, the feel of your sweet embrace, our never-ending stories and how you laughed at whatever silly story I tell you, your scent, your kiss and lots of kisses, the tenderness with which we look at each other, a soft smile on your lips that hold so much promise, how you tried hard not to fall asleep just so you could listen to more of my stories, and how cute it is when you just answer me with “hmm-mm” because you were really too sleepy then….hahaha…. cuteness…UGH! Last night was really sweet. Gaaahd, it was beyond sweet and wonderful…. How and why we came to “this”, I really don’t know and understand…but it always make me smile to think how fast and how far things have gone from there…
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okay, world, you might be starting to ask me about this again…haha…ok, you can ask, but don’t expect me to explain or tell you if this one’s real or what…let’s just say this one is just like a private joke/thing you share with someone special and you just want to share it to the world, too, but you wouldn’t really want to explain further…. A’YT??! hahahahahaha….anlabo mo jen!
Posted by jen on June 3rd 2008
For the past five days I’ve discovered how love stains friendship, and how pain changes people.
I am staring at my saved messages in my mobile phone right now, one folder containing 618 messages. Delete folder -> select -> Folder not empty. Delete Anyway?-> Cancel. Ugh! I can’t do it. Damn….
I wanted to free up some memory in my phone so I thought I would get rid of THAT folder. Besides I have no plans of reading those messages in the near future. Yes. Not now. I am hurt. You are the reason, and I know you can see that.
By deleting your messages I thought maybe I could hurt you back, but I know that is way too stupid and very much childish. And yes, I know I cannot do that. I will keep them and let them confront me for being a “dangerous” kind not just to you and the other people I know, but also to myself.
Right now I have no control of things. But I am hurt. Really hurt. I would be silent. I will not do something about it anymore. I will not try to fix things. And I will also try not to do something that could make it worse. I don’t want all these hurting turn to hate.
Why?
Because it would still be me who would be hurt if I see you hurt…….
Dear, World. Love, Jenny. 