The last 5 months have taught me so much. The last couple of months or so, I have laughed more, i have done more, i have enjoyed myself more and I finally feel free. And by being free, I can see now that constantly trying to fix us, to hang on to us, was the thing that’s been killing me slowly.

Maybe instead of loving you so hard I should have been myself for a while. I’ve always wanted so much for you. For both of us. So much more than what we had. More than being stuck with someone who feels stuck for quite a long time. I want you to feel free, too. I just had to realize that sometimes, some things can’t be fixed.

There’s too much forgetting. Too many things in my life that I want to forget just so I could rebuild my world or maybe just stop hurting and take a step forward.

But then, I thought I don’t want to spend my life like this— being able to go through everything I went through—just to forget all of it. I know we just have one chance in this life. I don’t want to do and then wish to undo things, and get stuck like that in repetition.

If it’s my time to go, I want to remember my life. I don’t want to forget who I am, what I have become, how I always chose to be kind.

Looking back, I realized I’ve been sad when we were together for always chasing and choosing you. I became even more sad when we’re apart. How long are you going to make me sad even now that you’re not part of my life anymore? This is how I am with or without you. How sad of a person could I be?

Today is another sad day. I cannot write about nice and warm things. Just this. Just another shitty story. Just another night to cry myself to sleep.

Geez. Thank you very much.