Dear, World. Love, Jenny.

Jedi thoughts, MD diaries and Random geekiness

Author: Jen_Eongrey

im an occasional bad/good poet, explorer of the strange, wonderful and plain weird, semi-mediocre photographer, jedi master, star gazer, and a forever crammer.
Random 524 — August 18, 2010

Random 524

/Jen_Eongrey/Leave a comment

lately i’ve been wallowing into a lot of battle.

 i’ve never been afraid of getting sick. i get sick all the time so i got used to it, and i always think it’ll pass. i take a rest, have meds, then i’d feel better. but this time, i got scared. maybe because it’s taking a while before i really get well. and it feels different this time, how i feel so weak for days even if i take meds and sleep all the time. i feel like i’ve been ill for the first time. and it gives me a not-so-good-scary feeling. but then of course, i try not to think about it too much. because i know it wont help.

i’m also trying not to be too hard on myself now. i try to do things at work. i try hard to bring myself back on track. it’s the only way i know now — try hard. i just want to be me again. i don’t want to feel low anymore. and i’d be praying again. maybe He’d finally give me a poke and bring me back to how i used to be.

loads. lags.

it’s okay.

love is here. i’d be making faces at life again.

Random 142 — August 16, 2010
OH, IT’S YOU AGAIN. — August 7, 2010

Walk into the light

OH, IT’S YOU AGAIN.

/Jen_Eongrey/Leave a comment

and so they talk about you now.

i’ve thought about you a lot of times before. there was a point when you were my obsession. i’ve been trying to hold your hand but you never held back…how come you didn’t want me, then? how come you didn’t even care to tell me when you’re going to love me back? because then i knew that in this lifetime, you would…

i’ve tried.

several times i asked you to take me with you but you never did. you just stared and gave me a polite smile that appeared like a message, which says “not now. not yet.”

but that was before. after trying so much harder, i gave up. and i moved on. i forgot about you. i’ve relearned things which reminded me of living again.

but now, they’re talking about you again.

i saw your name. *DEATH. and it felt like seeing that bicycle i never had, which i have outgrown and never cared about at all. the feelings i have for you now has gone numb. not that i forgot about you finally giving me a chance. i just dont have any feelings towards you now. or shall i say im not longing for you anymore. even if you tell me that i wont have any choice.

for a lot of reasons, i stopped doing stupid things to catch your attention. i might sound ironic now but it’s you who caught mine. and it’s just because they are talking about you again. no more. no less. no nothing. just a post.

P.S.
*i warn you not to get flattered by this even a bit.

IT’S GORGEOUS. RAIN IS. — August 3, 2010
Superhero — July 27, 2010

Superhero

/Jen_Eongrey/Leave a comment
this was posted by MUSH POTATO last July 16, 2008 on THAT mushy mailbox:

“If people have superheroes, then who are superheroes’ heroes? Where do heroes get strength to toss up cars of bad guys? Or prevent a building from collapsing? Or run as fast as a bullet? How do they get back their strength before their very own Kryptonites? How do they see things beyond walls? How could they walk through burning chambers? How could they produce fire out of their eyes? How they’re suppose to fly? I know heroes are lighter than elephants but how could they stay light even when they had the world at their back?

Aren’t you a superhero, Mushy? I’m wondering who is your superhero… And who covers you blanket when your sleeping, and who dresses your wounds, who makes you ice bags, or get you meds when you have a flu? Who hugs you when you’re hurt? And, uh, is it really necessary that heroes should wear their underpants outside?”

——————————————————————————

well, mushpotato, i never had a superhero. but i have someone who shares a blanket with me, who dressed my very first stitches in my life, who makes me ice bags when i have super-migraine, who gets me meds and makes sure that i drink lots of water when i have a flu. i dont need a superhero. i have someone who could do better (and is much much sweeter). and that is YOU.

P.S. i dont know about their underpants.
maybe superheroes don’t recognize the word under. 🙂