This is my self-portrait.

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This prolly represents the biggest chunk of myself. It shows who i am 75% of the time since puberty, i guess. I am an emo child. A sentimental teenager. A lost young adult. A depressed human being. I have been a sad person for a long time that i have fully embraced its existence and i end up openly admitting it to the world without being ashamed.

Im not really sure why im telling this to you. Maybe it’s because the people around me right now are in the low points in their lives. That i can say hey it’s okay, you’ll get pass through it, ive been there many times but look, i’m still here.

I wish i could tell you how sad i could get. But i wont. What i will tell you is how i get out of the state of being sad.

1st: i let myself to feel sad, i cry it out. I cry even in public domains, while commuting, or in my office desk. I reached a point where i dont give a damn if people would see me cry.

2nd: when im done crying, i tell other people that im sad. I talk about it even if people would just tell me generic replies as “okay lang yan”. Talking about it helps me un-focus on the emotion but on the reason that makes me sad. It detaches me from the pain i feel. So no matter how comforting or shallow a reply from other people could get, it helps. It helps you detach from the burden, but remember, it is only you who could unburden yourself of your sadness. It all depends on how willing you are to get out of that situation.

3rd: i act on it. Meaning, when im sad because i miss someone, i reconnect with them. If im sad because of my performance at work, i forget about my score sheets and start all over again, catch up with my lags and do my job as if everything is a clean slate. If im sad because i feel like im nobody, i draw or play the piano or write, to remind me that i can do things.

4th: some nights i take some booze to drown my loneliness but it’s obviously a pathetic move. But if booze comes with a conversation with the best person in your life, that would definitely help because…(see #3)

5th: i pray. Faith is a powerful tool. It calms me down. It gives me hope. It reminds me that there are other things to be thankful for that sometimes i feel like im an ungrateful selfish person for feeling so sad about things i could just vaguely identify. If you dont believe in God then i guess there will always be something else that you put your faith into and i tell you to turn to it when all else fail.

If you are so sad right now then remember me. Remember this face. Because they say, misery loves company. I hope me and my sadness gives you the comfort that you are not alone with your pain. Remember this face that tells you that all things shall pass. Remember this face that tells you no matter how sad you get, you don’t stop trying to be well and then get better and never be sad as hell again.