right now, i’m getting a difficult lesson on putting things in order. on patience. on getting things done. everyday i keep myself preoccupied but i feel like i haven’t really accomplished anything. i work so hard everyday that i feel like the world owes me something, but then again, i also cram on things, so i just expect to be somebody worth forgiving because i go back to the fact that i really try to work hard anyway. everyday, i try to get on my way. sometimes, i go mad.

[shift thoughts].

after all these years, i know that everything comes and goes. things would decline. things would regrow. some, you wouldn’t even know if it was reset or already reached its peak and no one knows what happened next to it.  nothing, really, is ever certain (i know there are exceptions but its a different story). sometimes, you get a stable job then you decide to drop it even if the world says it is beyond reason. you leave your comfort zone, and then move out again and transfer to neverland. the thought that nothing stays the same could probably be very scary to the world. but not me. i totally understand that everything in the universe becomes even more disordered as long as it exists, and we can do nothing about it. i am not scared of uncertainty and inconsistencies. im embracing change, and chaos, and will risk everything for success, happiness and love even if there are certain restraints.

[uh……]

since the start of the year i’ve been bitten in the ass by realization and reality. the bite made me become fully aware that i have the guts to chase after my heart’s desire. and so the pursuit of happiness in terms of what i do and who i want to be begins. and since then, i want to believe that i became a realist. no more day dreaming. no more of those stuff. call me petty or silly or stupid but this is how i want the whole system around me to work. this is me being brave. this is me being real. this is me accepting some things like, i am older, and things are getting not complicated anymore, that i’m a bit weary, yes, but i know that i am loved and i know what i really want now.

i sound like i have learned many things.

hmm.

this is a good thing.