I wish I am like most people who are very good at forgetting non-essentials. I wish my mind doesn’t wander while I was riding a bus or any vehicle I’m in, while I was brushing my teeth or during my toilet moments. I am the type of person who sees even the supplementary of the whole thing. I see a whole floating circus and kingdom in cloud formations. When I listen to songs, it’s either I could identify which sound comes from which instrument or my mind would simultaneously drift away and produce random ideas like a shuffling cloud of thoughts.
Just like right now, I want to digress.
I feel like everything co-exists around me but I don’t have a deep connection with any of them. My sub-conscious may even find it weird to acknowledge the existence of things but claim them to be so close to something void.
I am letting myself be very honest now. I am fed up with this break’s masks of happy faces of celebration. As of today, or maybe just today, December doesn’t feel like December to me. It’s a month of edges, of subsisting ends. You get a holiday bonus to just spend it like an obligatory act of buying and giving. You get a couple of weeks as a vacation but you never have a break and end up exhausted, instead. It’s a month of expectations and longings. A time to beat yourself with unwelcomed thoughts like I wish I am not me or i wish something more that is as rude as being never brought up in this kind of family and the like. i can be a grinch. sometimes. still. well for just one day. :p
But then again, this is just me today. This is just me being relatively not okay like 1 out of my 1000 happy moments. For once, I am taking this 1 time so I would remind myself that life is really like that.

first, i digress, now, i deviate. i realized that Christmas should be (MORE) for the kids. I’ve never seen them happy with an apple, or a crispy 20 bucks. so, uh, let’s be just kids forever. what do you think? yes? yes.

(meet the “beke” boys. as in may beke).
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***oh cuteness. im happy right now, as im uploading this. call me bipolar. but haha, love saves the blues on christmas day. bleh.