Posted by jen on June 3rd 2008

For the past five days I’ve discovered how love stains friendship, and how pain changes people.

I am staring at my saved messages in my mobile phone right now, one folder containing 618 messages. Delete folder -> select -> Folder not empty. Delete Anyway?-> Cancel. Ugh! I can’t do it. Damn….

I wanted to free up some memory in my phone so I thought I would get rid of THAT folder. Besides I have no plans of reading those messages in the near future. Yes. Not now. I am hurt. You are the reason, and I know you can see that.

By deleting your messages I thought maybe I could hurt you back, but I know that is way too stupid and very much childish. And yes, I know I cannot do that. I will keep them and let them confront me for being a “dangerous” kind not just to you and the other people I know, but also to myself.

Right now I have no control of things. But I am hurt. Really hurt. I would be silent. I will not do something about it anymore. I will not try to fix things. And I will also try not to do something that could make it worse. I don’t want all these hurting turn to hate.

Why?

Because it would still be me who would be hurt if I see you hurt…….